Arthur Gonna Get Some!
by LIKE WHOAH
Summary: Y'know? For all of those 'Harry Potter' fanfics, you'd think there'd be more fics about ARTHUR WEASLY, Ron's daddy! Well, now there is one! It's an Arthur romance comedy! Mwaha! But which character IS IT! You'll never knowww!


Hello friends! It's meee again, Mar, ready to give you a frightful coupling fanfic from beyond the graveeee! Hahaha, *crawls out of the ground* Ooh, spooky. I think this'll be your Halloween fanfic kids! SINCE IT'S SO SCARY!! I believe (rarely) some of you remember my 'Treasure Planet' fic entitled 'The Odd Couple.' This was sadly based on a relationship with a blob and a.pet thing Doc had. *eyes shift* Yeah, I got some bad ratings for that one. (Don't know WHY, Mary-Sues are worse. xD) THIS time, however, I WISH TO GET MORE BAD RATINGS! (Lets say this FANFIC'S A DARE from my sister. We're a Mel Gibson/Homer Simpson production! SAM, WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?!) Mwaha! So of course, I'm now making a fanfic on Arthur Weasley.and his new.lover. YES, MOLLY WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM! But who will it be? WILL IT BE HERMIONE!? SNAPE?!.RICHARD GERE?!?! Ohhh, the possibilities are endless when you want to create the WORST fanfic in the Harry Potter section!  
  
WARNING: This fanfic is based on stupid, silly content. If you can't handle Artie getting a new love life than you must goooo! *points to the door* Ye be warned. Note, I'm not the HUGEST fan on 'Harry Potter.' So, NO I don't know how many ass hairs are on Dobby's butt or how old Snape was when he lost his virginity! What am I exactly saying? I pretty much don't know what I'm saying. :( I know the characters, sure, but you must understand I know NOTHING. If you bitch saying, "THAT'S NOT HOW 'WHAT'S-HIS-TURDY-FACE' WOULD TALK!" Than I am sorry. Some authors are better off harassing the world of Disney.*gazes up at the sky* BUT damnit, I want to disgust you all! AND DISGUST I SHALL! On with the show!  
  
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Arthur Weasley was sad. Very sad indeed. Sitting there, drinking his coffee in his chair after calling in sick and telling the office he had a severe case of gonorrhea; thinking how much of a loser life he had. How many kids did he have now? Seemed like 100 billion! Why, 100 billion would make more sense! But really it wasn't 100 billion, even if it did seem like it. 100 billion meant he would have had more sex. Arthur liked sex. Yes, indeed.  
  
These days Molly wasn't really up to it though. Usually she was hustling over hotties in the T.V. guide. Men like.RICHARD GERE! Yes, Richard Gere was hot as was Arthur was not, and this made him very sad indeed.  
  
The kids were almost as disappointing as the sex. Ron would never grow up to be John Elway. Why John Elway? Because John Elway is cool. Arthur likes Elway. He likes lot of things. But Elway would have been cool. Sadly Ron seemed to be growing up to be Martha Stewart. This only seemed more depressing.  
  
And what about Ginny? Well.she was.well.uhh, well something was wrong with her! She was ugly! Arthur was sure of that, though he was too depressed to think of it, especially for this silly fanfic! .And.there were a couple of other kids Arthur had but forget about.what were their names again? Ah, who cares? Arthur was still miserable. And poor. .Mostly poor. But still miserable.  
  
Still, sitting there, out of nowhere, something slipped a note under the door to Arthur's room. Why, who would be here?! Scrambling up from his brown-stained sweatpants and 'Member's Only' jacket he ran to the door, and gazed down! To his surprise, there was a note! A love note! For Artie?! Surely, this was a surprise.  
  
Slowly as the eccentric man bent over gradually, his fingertips lacing over the letter that would determine the love of one person for him. The one true love that would set his spirit rising! His heart skipped a few beats as he picked it up, his eyes watching closely to every word! Finally the note said:  
  
ARTHUR WEASLY,  
  
IS YOUR WINDOWSHIELD CRACKED?! THAN CALL 555-1234 FOR ALL FIXING SERVICES!  
  
With angry feelings brewing, Weasley narrowed his eyes and threw this note down to the ground! That was, until, he was fixated on another note. This one was marked in cursive red letters, and gorgeous handwriting. The lettering replied.  
  
Artie,  
  
I LIK U!11!1!11 I soooo thnk your a hottie! U dont ned that krazy btch, molly! BOO-YA!1!!!1!!  
  
This somehow, made Artie grin.  
  
---  
  
The notes kept coming in to him everyday! Why it came to the point that Artie lied again and again while telling the office he had a rare condition of cancer *huge pause* that was eating in the insides of his ass and that he must stay away. Surely, it was a good excuse since no one wants anything eating out of their ass. For now the notes kept coming!  
  
One day, while watching Oprah's whiny Book Club and eating triple fudge ice cream, a letter slit through the door slot. Hurriedly, he ran over, and crouched down. Arthur, to his surprise, was another mature, loving note just like the others ones. As he fingertips touched every printed word, he slowly gazed down and read to himself,  
  
Th3 h0ttIe with a BODyy,  
  
Do meee!1!1!!!1! Tonigt at 12, midnite!1!!1 Ill be by yur house than so u can prove yur love 2 me!11!  
  
This secret admirer inflamed Arthur slowly. Without even thought of concern with his ugly kids and broad wife, he would finally do something he's been wanting to do forever! .To.DO A PERSON! His heart held hope that however it was, would come, and he knew this.  
  
The suspense nearly killed him. Sitting up in his bed, like a child waiting for sweet, sweet eggs on Easter, Arthur waited! Oh yes. But as he waited, something tapped at his window. Quickly as he shuffled over, his pajama pants pulled down to his ankles, of course, he tried to catch an image of his lover! But where they were suppose to be, they were not.  
  
Slowly Artie gazed down and noticed a sheet of paper again. His eyes widen as he picked it up and tried to decode it. This time it was actually written in ENGLISH and not girl talk, though Ron was seen playing 'Girl Talk' the game once. :| This shocked him, indeed.  
  
Arthur,  
  
I have left you.  
  
I am sorry but we can never see each other. I'm afraid of what you might think of me.  
  
Perhaps, in another lifetime, we can be lovers.  
  
Fin.  
  
Signed, Your Secret Admirer  
  
---  
  
Standing in the tree, weeping slowly with it's back turned, Arthur's secret admirer tried to shake it's head. For Hedwig the owl only gazed up, and thought to itself, "I love you."  
  
.Than was shot down by a tree hunter. .And later eaten by Jason from those horror movies with kick-ass super effects.  
  
THE END?!??!!  
  
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Pretty cool, huh?! ^_~! XD WHATTYA THINK SAM!? WAS IT GOOD?! .I like requests. :D xD Perhaps my next fic will be a Draco/Dobby fic. xD!! *runs before the fans get her* 


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